Dear Journal,

It’s a strange morning. I don’t have much work to do, a rare event. Of course, there’s more I could do… There’s always more, but I feel content starting this journal entry and letting the morning escape me in this flurry of words. I think to myself, I’m so very fortunate to have my wife. I’m so very fortunate to be here at University of Maryland. I’m fortunate that everyone has been so flexible as I’ve navigated academia and industry at the same time. It seems the older I get, the more respect I receive. Is that perception or reality? In either case, it’s nice to be shown that level of respect. Respect from my classmates, professors, other professionals. I don’t have the idea that I’ll be fired any time soon. I don’t have the idea that everything is collapsing underneath my feet, a feeling I’ve felt far too often, like I’m sprinting forward while the ground cracks and ruptures between my stride. I guess that’s why I’m here this morning, isn’t it.

I had therapy yesterday (psychotherapy, but I think that’s implied). I was torn up afterward and Carolyn didn’t get home until 7pm and bedtime’s at 9pm, so I didn’t get to share much. We explored some memories that I don’t think are quite right, but Jane said it’s okay to not remember correctly, the feeling can still be accurate. That’s an interesting idea, it left me thinking long after our session. Even though the memory is inaccurate, it is a clue. A clue to what, I wonder… Let me backup and explain the potentially inaccurate memory. I have two triplet sisters and an older brother. One of my triplet sisters passed away in a car accident when I was 16 years old… Resources were very constrained as well. My parents expected two children, not four. With a constrained and chaotic upbringing, I isolated myself to some extent. I played hours and hours of video games every day. I saw my friends every weekend and had sleep overs, but even then, all we did was play video games or sports. We didn’t share strong emotional connections, at least not as strong as the relationships I have in my adult life. Perhaps that’s fairly normal. We don’t have the same emotional graces when we’re younger, at least I didn’t. In any case, I feel isolated and excluded by the world sometimes. I feel all alone on nights Carolyn doesn’t come home until late. For some reason, I’ve never been able to substitute intimate relationships with anything as satisfying or calming. To me, hugs and speaking to each other inches away from each other’s face is what makes me feel safe and sound. I know, that might sound crazy, but that closeness is unparalleled. Perhaps that’s what I had when I was younger and had two triplet sisters… In college, my best friend was a girl. And, generally, my closest friend has always been a girl. Perhaps I’m just trying to return to childhood? Where my bitches at?! lolol.

Let’s talk about the election that happened yesterday… Trump won… How? How did a racist asshole win the hearts and minds of America? I’ve been told, Trump led in votes from men of all ages. Well, I suppose that doesn’t surprise me. I know and understand the argument that men have privilege and I’m a white passing male myself, so consider everything I write as biased (who’s writings aren’t…). However, if we look at educational stats, boys have been left behind. We’ve built an educational system that DOES NOT WORK for boys (by and large). So, we wonder why Kamala didn’t win the male vote? Why would a woman have men’s best interests in mind? She wouldn’t, of course. Same as Trump not having women’s best interests in mind. And let me preface before I continue down this rabbit-hole and bring you all along for the ride. I voted for Kamala, and Trump is, indeed, a racist asshole. No question. However, what we saw yesterday was Trump won the election, so perception doesn’t exactly match reality. We need to use reality as our baseline, not what we want. So, with that out of the way, how do we reconcile Trump’s win? How do we figure more people voted for that than Kamala? And this is my current explanation - economy and men’s rights. A weird notion, right? Men’s rights?

The economy, although not in a great spot and worsened by the likes of Trump - people expect a recession - and during times of uncertainty, they vote with familiarity. Trump is familiar and predictable. Trump is “conservative” and won the economics vote. That said, the inflation under Trump and tax breaks to the wealthy will probably continue. People are not okay and things will get worse for them… Despite their belief that Trump will help them. Sometimes a familiar darkness seems safer than a new light… So I’ve been told.

Second, we need to consider men’s rights. I know some women believe the patriarchy is alive and real, but please consider that most all of men’s motivations are rooted in competition for mates. Do we really have that much power or control if every influential thing we do is to attract others? I argue no. Men have very little power and very little control. I also understand a possible retort, “men are writing laws to control women’s bodies!” Consider the counter argument, women are writing curriculum that doesn’t match boy’s learning style. Women are chastising boys for squirming in their seats or falling asleep in class. I’m glad the system works for girls, but it strictly does not work for boys. Look at the grades, look at the graduation rates, look at the suicide rate, look at the demographics of the severely depressed and isolated… I don’t believe a reasonable woman would try to make a system that doesn’t work for boys, and they mean no malintent, but that’s the data. Boys have been ignored and they’re acting out. Again, as a man who had a monsterously awful experience in K-12 education, it’s not necessarily a surprise that people are acting out. Entire generations of men have been implicitly told by almost every adult during K-12: they don’t belong. Imagine being reprimanded when the girl behind you made the loud noise. Imagine being sent out of the classroom for having fun with friends and “distracting the class.” I understand it sounds like I disrespected the teacher, but I haven’t been given a single chance to play today, why was that so difficult for every teacher to understand? Why weren’t we allowed to go outside? Why did school feel like prison? Yet, we wonder why Trump won… It just feels like everyone is so shell shocked that he won when the issues are glaringly obvious. We created a system that lasts over a decade that tells men, they are trash, they don’t belong, and they deserve to rot away playing video games in their room. We’re too gross. We’re too loud. We sleep too much. We’re too lazy. At least, that’s what most of my teachers seemed to think. Luckily, I had two sisters to meaningfully engage me with other girls our age. That left me at an advantage in the current system, but I can clearly see the reasons it doesn’t work for the masses. I suppose my rant is over… I apologize to everyone that Trump won, but perhaps it’s a data point we need to enact change that actually includes everyone.

Maybe, instead of burying our heads in the sand in utter disbelief, we can take this data and write a political platform that helps boys and young men, as well as the rest. I also understand Trump will only worsen and further entrench the issues against young men and boys, but the majority doesn’t believe that. The democratic party needs to appeal to the majority to win and something like 30% of the population are white men. I’m sorry I was born like this… and the democratic party repeatedly makes me feel bad for being born, it’s not a great strategy… Again, the result of the election is not surprising and it’s incredibly frustrating.

At least I go back home to my wife this evening. I can’t wait to see where we take the democratic platform, I have high hopes that we are getting closer to including everyone. Slowly, but surely.